Muffin "Shower Project" Saves Planet from Foul Odors and Untimely Demise

Muffin’s own Jenerika, Goddess of Hot Water and Life-like Action Figures, has announced a community project for MMXXXII that hopes to provide a much needed service to the Muffin community. The goal of this project is to provide a cooperative semi-private hot shower stall (or two) in the vicinity of Muffin beach. Jenerika is seeking folks willing to loan their solar shower bags to the facility for the duration of the event. We’ll start out low tech and see how far we can go. Hoser’s out there wanting to help out with this project (with shower bags, tarps, poles, hose, designs, ideas, web cams, etc.) email Jenerika through thos.bell@gmail.com. Come Monday this could seem like a REALLY good idea!

Self-Anointed Mayor Of Muffinville Suggests Fate for Kids on Bluegrass: Ship them off to China

The Self-Anointed Mayor Of Muffinville (of no relation to the music festival of the same name, and the professed pretender to the title of spiritual heir of Emperor Norton of Goat Island), has expressed the deepest concern regarding recent warnings of unruly bands of youth "getting-off" on bluegrass. "I don't care what color the grass, it is not good to have these kids on any kind of grass" declares the Mayor Of Muffinville (or "MOM"). Furthermore, MOM notes, "the bluegrass has only recently been cut, and is somewhat stubbly and difficult to walk on in bare feet." And, as if this is not enough, as a further warning, MOM recounts that last year there were spectacularly colored, but dangerously ominous glowing balls and unidentified flying objects hovering over the bluegrass at night, that should be a clear warning to any youth venturing too far afield in an attempt to try out the bluegrass for the first time.

"Unruly youth who are twitching and itching on that bluegrass should be shipped off to China" says MOM, "and suffer the fate of (you guessed it): youth in Asia."

Itchy Mountain Men Appear May 20th at the Larkspur Café Theater

This just in… Big V reports that Muffin’s own Itchy Mountain Men will be bustin' out at the Larkspur Café Theater in Larkspur (where else) next month. For those of you itchin' to hear some of that fine IMM brand of bluegrass, this is your chance to scratch a week early! More information can be found at http://www.larkspurcafetheatre.com/html/may07.htm. Vasco sez that tickets are limited and you might want to plan to show up early for some "mighty fine eatin’s".

Unreal All Star's Nudged Out of Prime Slot by "Weaseling" Clams

“It’s utter schedule pandamonium!...It’s anybodies guess who will play and when at this point!", stage manager Marshall Law was heard to reply after hearing the news that the Unreal All Star’s were vying to move their performance to Sunday night. “Some bull crap story about Clayton not being able to make it Saturday…jeeezz you’d think after 31 years that these damn drummers could get it right!”. The rumor mill has been all over this one, and to top it off, King Clam, Paul Pot, has announced a new lineup the promises to "kick the crap" out of any so called "All Star” band. Apparently, the Clams have signed some hot shot, fancy pants, ringer of a bass player specifically for the Muffin, and are planning a major assault on the “tenderloin” of Muffin (Saturday night). Law’s parting comment was “All I can say is that we haven’t heard the end of this one, I expect some serious jockeying for prime positions in the weeks ahead.” Rumor has it that "Sunday" may be the new "Saturday".

Clams Land a Whopper!

This in from Clam Central:

The deep bottom of the Happy Clam sound is now firmly anchored by the bass strings of the newest (and greatest) mollusc ever dredged from San Francisco Bay, the one and only, Harald Oinman! "Who is this Oinman?" you may ask, and you might find yourself questioning our claim of his most magnificent stature that is legend in the beds of the Clam Nation. Perhaps you think it's wishful thinking, on our part, that this clam may last, considering how we fried all the others. "Abalone," we say to that bilge. We herald the Harald, and so shall you at Muffin XXXII.

And if this doesn't pan out, we will blame the Weasels.

For more information about Harald and the Clams check out http://www.thehappyclams.com

Memorial Show, Dirk Fest, at the American Music Hall June 8th

For those of you who may have missed it, Dirk Dirksen passed away in November of last year. Dirk was the notorious emcee and producer of the cutting edge punk scene at the Mabuhey Gardens in San Francisco in the late 70’s and early 80’s. Dirk promoted bands such as the Ramones, Devo, Black Flag, The Dead Kennedys and others at the North Beach club long before they received mainstream attention. Many of us got to know Dirk later on as one of the co-conspirators of the Crockett hotel and theatre project that included Clance and many other early Muffin instigators. Dirk attended quite a few Muffins in the late 80’s and early 90’s and was highly inspirational in his professional approach to event organization. Dirk Fest promises a high profile lineup of punk acts from the Mabuhey era and should provide a fitting sendoff for the “Pope of Punk”. In the words of the master, "Onward and Upward!".

For more info on the show: http://www.gamh.com/artist_pages/dirkfest_060807.htm

Muffin Committee Announces New Guidelines to Stamp Out "Rural Blight"

A trend has been noted in recent years that certain individuals lacking in aesthetic appreciation and apparent respect for fellow Muffineers have attempted to “wall off” our wonderful creek in order to create their own private paradise (or hell, depending on how you look it). Scenes like the one accompanying this post are more reminiscent of a construction site or a homeless camp than a pristine riparian strip on the edge of our little piece of heaven. To prevent eyesores of this nature from appearing in the future, any camp within sight of the main meadow will be subject to review by the Muffin committee. Camp sites deemed to be "crimes against nature" or generally "skizzle" one's eyeballs, will be asked to move to a more sequestered location.

Meatster BBQ Pushes Ticket Sales To 50+ Mark!

The estimated ticket tally after yesterdays BBQ was in excess of 50! This is a good solid start for early April and is about half-way toward our minimum goal of 100 (120 would be even better!). Even Steve S. was coerced into coughing up cash for a ticket in advance. Way to go Steve! ...now about those daughters of yours ;-) Keep selling tickets folks… we are well on our way! Anyway thanks to all of you for showing up and a special thank you to Mike and Melissa for hosting another fabulous BBQ. It appears a good time was had by all. On other fronts…

• The Itchy Mountain Men played a live radio show on KALW on Saturday evening. Live radio…how cool is that! They sounded great!
• The Sea Kings are playing at the Starry Plough in Berkeley on April 28^th.
• At last report the Clams have found a new bass player. Maybe he can handle the Clams… but can he handle the Muffin?
• His and her's port-a-potties? Candy is asking for a "gals only" steamer this year. If it'll help sell tickets... sure, why not. What next, hot showers? Hmmm ya never know!

Latest 'BA' Sighting Bodes of Future Fence Poster Children

For the first time in MM history, our own Lochness monster, the elusive spirit called BA has been sighted off Muffin grounds. Although never proven to actually exist, Muffineers have been regularly spotting BA since the late seventies, and differ greatly as to just what BA is. Kelly Bubb, who has been attending MM for 25 years said," At first I thought he was just some drunk guy who hangs around fires. Now I think it's a spirit or ghost that occupies someone that's close to a fire." Still others insist that BA is actually the fire, wood, and people all at the same time. "That's Bullshit!" Kelly's husband Bob Bubb snorted,"It's just those two stupid brothers, I forget their names." Ba, (who refers to himself as the 'God of wood and screw-type fasteners'), appeared outside Muffin territory in Sacramento at the home of Greg 'Kingpin' Popejoy while taking a shower. "The thing scared the crap outta me", said an obviously shaken Popejoy. " It kept yammering on and on about how this Meadow Muffin blog was going to be used as a portal for future Fence Poster Children. I told it I was out of beer and it left". Many Muffineers may differ on the existence of BA, but Fence Poster Children are as real as tornadoes. Beyond hammerheadism, Fence Poster Children earn their living by bumming everyone out and general party-busting. They take their name from the Latin term to place something worthless on a fence post and shoot it. MM has had a rich colorful history of FPC'c including: 'Old Yeller' the grandmaster of them all who tried to catch flying horseshoes with his naked ass; 'Flip-Out'; 'Tried-To-Die'; 'SnowBird'; 'Doktari'; and 'BushWhacker' are just a few of the many that tried, but could not ruin Muffin. Philosophically, some say it isn't a real Muffin without at least one FPC, arguing that having a FPC around prevents much worse things from happening, while others say that the Fence Poster Child IS the worse thing that is happening. In closing 'Kingpin' Popejoy added,"well at least it will be real entertaining to see who screws up this year".

SEC Investigating Possible Hostile Takeover of Weasels International Ltd. by J. Lane Inc.

CEO and general big beef of the Muffin, G. “Pope” Popejoy reported today the he received a significant payment along with an order to buy up all outstanding shares of Weasels International Ltd.. The amount was reported to be in excess of a “Kill-o-buck”. Underhanded tactics like this leveraged buyout have been largely absent since the Muffin cleaned up its finances and became a wholesome family oriented event. It was noted that Club Oiselle, one of WIL’s major Muffin concessions, successfully fended off an attack by the notorious corporate pirates, D&T Enterprises, last year. After a brief scuffle Club Oiselle employees were able wrestle control firmly back in the hands of WIL. This new class of threat could potentially undermine the entire Muffin asset base causing catastrophic failure of other key Weasel controlled business operations including the Meadow drive-in theatre, Pin-Head Heaven, CampFire(tm) Inc. and the World Wide Horseshoe Federation, the sponsor of one of Muffin's key attractions. Experts interviewed believe that this could lead to plumeting ticket sales and an end to the Muffin as we know it. Spokespersons from J. Lane, Inc. declined to comment.

Keyboard Master Fred Weed Performing in Berkeley on April 20th

Long time Unreal Band keyboard man and key member of this year's Muffin exclusive band “RoboWeed”, Fred Weed, will be performing solo piano at the Jazz School in Berkeley on April 20^th in a program that includes three other pianists. Fred will be playing a number of pieces that range from classical to jazz. Joe Bob sez check it out! For additional info check out the web site: www.solopianoshow.com